Lag is like Fengshui

Yes... I am back to blogging. For a day. It seems that I havent been blogging for the past... long time. Too many prior commitments I suppose... Like.. exams possibly...
Well. We cant possibly celebrate the 100th anniversary of Mindless Banter, but we sure can celebrate the 100th anniversary minus 69 of Mindless Banter. If you did the math, you would have gotten 4. Or at least I did. I heard that 4 is an unlucky number. Ill never know.
On a lighter note, I've just unlocked the secrets of Fengshui. Yes. Fengshui. That thing where is complete bull but half the world loves it. (No offence) But yes, mindless bantering in general is complete bull, and half the world loves it too. So. What is feng shui you ask me? Well. Feng shui is the organisation of elements in such a manner as to convey a message. Kind of like art. Cept that you cant get all tyco and stuff. Anyway, the idea of feng shui revolves around the pot, the glass of water and a Mc Spicy Double. The pot represents earth, which is calming, the glass of water represents water, which is cooling, and the Mc Spicy Double represents expensive. I mean, anger, or heat... or stuff. Anyway... So you gotta position these in such a way that it makes good non-sense. Basically, if I wanted less lag, I would put the pot on my head, the glass of water on the table, and the Mc Spicy Double in my mouth. The pot would keep my head steady so I dont get giddy, the glass of water on the table is to keep my modem from falling off the table, and my Mc Spicy Double is just in case I get hungry. So. Now you see that I am sufficiently calmed, cooled and have sufficient anger, I can finally switch of my h4x and have a "Counter-Terrorists Win".

A bad day in tree history

Date: 18/9/2004
Location: Sunny city of Singapore
Incident: The inhumane slaughtering of thousands of trees

This day, the mistreatment of trees and al of treekind has been subject to the brutality and savagery of the beings known as Man. Our prime suspect, a person about two feet tall, has been suspected to have murdered hundreds of thousands of trees in one single day. When asked for his statement on this...

Suspect: It was never my fault... Anyway, the trees sacrificed themselves for a worthy cause. It is true that thousands of trees had to fall for me, but it was all worthwhile. They assisted me greatly in my time of need, and thus saved the world from the would be apocalypes of mucous. We should also celebrate the fact that I no longer need to go for the walkathon, thanks to viruses and bacteria which we all know we hate but we love to have. Especially when there's walkathons. And thus, I send my regards. Thank ye all treekind, and yes, when there's Kleanex tissue, there's a slime free world.

Sing-apore Idol

Whee. Interesting name ya? No. Not really.
Well. Let's just say... Theres the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. There's those good ones, those bad ones, and those.. others. Yesh. It's a whole range of stuff you got here.
You get a show like this which lasts shorter than the commercials do when:
1) You have a lack of capital and many ppl who want to pay to get their camera splashed on the screen every 2 minutes.
2) You have a lack of things to show in the 1 hour you promise people
3) Gurmit has a sore throat
4) The cameras are malfuncitoning. (maybe they shld get some of them olympus ones)
5) You like to piss people off
6) You have an interesting show which people would watch anyway
7) You enjoy the wastage of time and the rotting of the Singaporeans brain cells by watching rubbishy ads like "Eh, honey, buy matress got free handphone leh!"
8) You need to give time for people to visit sexy blogs lihe this one.

Annnnddd.. Our lines our closedddd....

Lackage of Banter

Well. The well of all things interesting has run dry. Possibly due to global warming, or stress, probably due to my receding hairline. Lately all that I've been talking about is Sjab. That surely must mean something. Something wrong at least. Now that I have a temporary spot in the prestigious, or infamous, First Aid Com, I can now declare my freedom to be in serious Lackage.

I have a dream.
One day Sjab will not be hell.
It might even be something people deem
to be good and possibly even sane.
To come back on the Saturdays and enjoy more pain.
Pain to the brain,
and my pulse probably stopped.
Considering that my CPR flopped.
I have a dream.

Well. My inspirations all out the window. It's not so much of stress, but more of lack of sleep. However, lack of sleep comes about when you feel like you have no inspiration and just stay awake stoning. I wonder if cheese cures insomnia...

I swear the buses are out to get me.

Holy shit. The rumours have come true. The bus invasion lives on... O.o
Well. Imagine you were me. You take a nice 74 in the direction you think leads home. Thats where the bus tricks you. You dont go home. You find out that you have readched a final stop. You alight. It's a stop whcih is dimly lit, with some buddhist alter thing there, and bus drivers sitting around drinking stuff. You walk away. Towards the bus stop which you should have gone to. You find out you lost your wallet. "Damn! Shit!" You run back to the bus. The bus is empty. You see about 5 spaced out looking bus drivers walk towards you. You raise an eyebrow. You walk up to them and ask who drives the 74. They walk past you. Zombies. Your brain tells you. Bus drivers have already been infected. You could be next. Of course you shrug this off as mere fiction (which is obviously not true). You finally manage to get the 74 zombie guy to open the door. You leg it up upstairs and find out that the ad for "Ghost" is on. Joy. You end up searching for your wallet and find it. You leg it downstairs and out the bus. The bus driver looked as spaced out as ever. You walk away, hardly believing what just happened. You take a bus back. You stone and think what a lucky bugger you were.
Thank God for short term memory loss. Any longer and the infestation might be funded by my cash. Or at least killed off by my downright ugly ez-link card.

Kids do the Darndest Things

Was looking at some kids today and I was struck by enlightenment. You see, kids have this special way of getting whatever they want. I mean, if you encounter an under 1 meter wonder with a cute face, a receding hairline, which seems to be rolling around the ground and seems bent on destroying your eardrums, I doubt you would not give them what they want. No offence, but yes, I think kids are nice and all, but you can almost see their uhh.. sinister smiles, as they cry only when you are around and there's this 99 buck barney toy which they want. Well, isn't life unfair? If it was me i would have never gotten the barney toy. Damn.
Life sucks. After looking and learning from kids, hey. Pass me the Shrink Ray will you?

The venerable order of the.. ahh forget it.

Today was just bad. It's bad when you walk to the bus stop, and sit there thinking "The next bus's gunna be mine i bet" for around 45 minutes. I swear Trans Island is out to get me. Reached my destination in under the time it took to wait for the bus itself. Bad yes.
Played Bridge, lost much. Watched some low quality Bourne Identity which left me two times as confused as i started out.
Wanted to go to school for a koto revision... Thats Knowledge of the Order (of St Johns). In full, it would be the venerable order of the something something... Yes. Waiting for the bus alone took 25 minutes. But that was a good thing. Considering that those in the sjab room weren't doing much.We ended the day off by saying that the notes we pritned were crap. Joy. We also realised that the test was postponed to uhh.. DECEMBER. Sheesh. Anyway... I realised that our SJAB room sure is clean. You sit down with a white pants and go home looking like you swam through tar. Luckily I can swim.

Havent been posting for a long time... Malaysia's fault I say. Malaysia goes together with weight gain. I mean.. When you go to Malaysia, what do you do...? Uh.. Drive.. which we dont actually do... Eat... drink... sleep.. Read your book which is as untouched as your Maths textbook... Sleep again.. Eat... Drink... If you were looking to burn calories, Malaysia would be a bad idea. However, if you go up to your neighbourhood policeman and ask him his opinions on the water issue and if his bird has a flu, I dont think you should stay around for too long. I heard that parangs are as common as potholes in the road there. Just a piece of advice for the unaware traveller.
Confucius he didn't really say, If you have all your eggs in one basket, then you better well not have a hole in it. Eggs dont come easy ya.

Antonio and Co,

Well. Shit? My beautiful Rotiboy bread (yes, its the best bread you will ever find) has been mutilated by Antonio and co. Shit.... its perhaps the worst thing to be wasted by hordes of ants with white asses. Or maybe the white things were part of my bread. Anyway... the bread was too good to throw away. So i ate it. and threw away a few cohorts of ants in the process of eating it. Doused the bag in water and found about enough ants to cover my finger and with more to spare. Joy. Anty bread. That's possibly the cause of the uhh.. saltish taste from my bread. Geahhh.... what a waste.

The Bus

Im here today to tell you about something I bet no one has ever noticed. Now. It is common knowledge that Singapore has BUSES. But did you ever realise, that the number of companies doing BUSiness and the increasing amount of companies (aka SMRT, Trans-island, SBS) who want to have a share in the BUS industry? Well. Have you ever noticed the increasing number of BUS stops? They spread out their reign of terror upon us! Very soon, no part of Singapore will be safe from BUS-kind. I shall share my experiences with these bus-lings.
It was a normal day. A BUS 75 arrived. It was packed full. I hopped on, did a tap with my ez-link, and waited for the doors to close. They closed, without much difficulty. BUT, at the next stop. The doors OPENED. The doors of the BUS crushed my shoe into half its size. With my foot still in it. Well. I used my taichi skills to tahan until the door closed, but yes, even then my foot got dislocated in about 7 places.
You see? The BUS people are out to get us. The ez-link idea is only so that we can spend money without noticing it. It's like credit cards... only without the free gifts. Join with me in our fight for freedom from all BUS-kind, or we may be drawn to the BUS side. Be every vigilant, or you might never survive your next BUS ride...