Wit is just 1 t short of twit

Heh. Is it possible to become so mindless that you get hated for it? Lets just say I go so off topic and so irrelevant to my posts that it doesnt even make sense anymore. Would I face the judgement of hundred-strong crowds that would overrun my house and scream bloody murder for normality to ooze out of my pores? By the way, whoever coined the phrase 'scream bloody murder' really made some kickass term. Its a palindrome almost. When you scream, bloody is one of the words which my just emit from that mantlous mouth of yours, and when theres murder, the only time where there wouldnt be blood is if the cold blooded killer had a bad mishap with his toaster. That didnt really make sense did it. It wasnt supposed to. Anyhow, back to the topic. Could I go so off topic that even off topic is too far from it? Would A post with a title of off topicness be able to encompass whatever off topicness that would come out from it? Bleh I dont have much heart in posting this post, BUT, since i will always have an interest in comedy, retardation and anything vaguely amusing, I cant really hate my own banter can I. Sometimes i do regret what I post, but thats just when I post a really bad post. Like this. I mean, this is practically a filler for whats to come. Something to waste your time to benefit me. Heh. In the words of some famous guy: "Being able to Believe the unbelievable surely is believable isnt it."

You got mail (b****)

Heh. So since i decided that no one in their right mind would send fan mail to me, I have come to the conclusion that I should send mail to people, then put those on my blog. What a fantastic idea! It goes along the lines of "You wont give me money so ill give you money and become famous." Well actually no. If donald trump did that he would be so much the less rich, and wouldnt really be a celeb anymore. Someone with the business sense of a 3rd eye, he sure does have the fashion sense of a 3rd leg. No wait. Bad analogy. Im sorry. Anyway, on to the letters. Woot.

Letter 1:
Ok Jhon. Since your at bio now, and I think you would probably be suffering, I decided out of the kindness of my heart to send you good info on what to say on monday. Im sure you would be happy to note that i have many good things to say, plus im in a good mood. Considering I dont have any exams anymore. Unlike you. Ha. Oh no, someone just called you stupid. Help. This is problem. It might be jhon-depricating, or it might also be the truth. Now you cant handle the truth. Can you? Heh. Lang arts sure is fun. I just blogged an entire blog to you. Feel encouraged that I waste my recess time to type out this letter to you. Wo xi wang hui jin kuai de dao ni de lai xing. Now while I wallow in self-happiness, I shall continue on to state my points for our presentation.

Letter 2:
Well, ok you got me there. So I dont have a letter 2. Sue me. If you did you could prolly match donald trump and roll in cash, literally. I mean, with some shape like that he should be able to roll. Shouldnt he? Now, before you swipe my head and demand refund, this is not technically a blog post, so be expecting more a few minutes down the line. Heh. Being not at home sure got 3 times the funner.

Note the 3 3s in this blog post. And note the 1 3 in Friday the 13th? Well, they connect somehow. Somehow. In the words of some famous guy: "Letters consist of lets and ers. So let ers now end this conversation." If you didnt get that, try switching on punny mode and reread that.

Isolation Violation

Hmm. Today felt depressingly bad. Somewhat like a jail cell. Mpmh. With the ability to go out (I cant be too sure about this), and yet this mindset of "I should be studying" assaulting my already beaten brain, I felt pretty bad today. Yeh. But enough rambling, more banter. So. with only my brother to talk to (this doesnt really count) , and people on msn, (ian / clareng / the bunch of people who shld be studying like me but arent.), the day passed pretty slowly, and I was beginning to wonder whether holidays before the exams was such a good idea. Anyhow, I resorted to going down over and over again to feed the fish (the fish seem be twice their original size alreay. Think 5 meals a day.), and stoning around the house, trying to not use the com so I would feel less guilty. Heh. Anyhow, I had to make lunch for us this fateful day. The menu for the day consisted of:

Appetizer:
Slightly toasted and crisp slices of thin air. The aroma so refreshing and the taste so fulfilling, its amazing how an average person takes this for granted.

Main Course:
An assortment of sauces, ranging from BBQ to BBQ to 1 Year stale mustard to honey to terriyaki source will tantalise your tastebuds as you start off on your expedition a food haven. Garnished with golden yet soft and half-cooked fries with last night's chicken on the side.

Dessert:
Not to be confused with desert, dessert consists of a palatable plate, as well as a frosty mug of lemon juice. Fresh from the carton. Not so fresh from some california plantation thing.

Enjoy your meal.


Anyhow, I managed to get through that meal with only one stomachache that night, probably due to the half cooked fries... (Hey the packet DID say DONT OVERCOOK THE FRIES didnt it?) Anyhow, after such delectable delights, my day only had one way to go by. Improve? Nah. Deprove, Yeh. So basically stuff went EVEN MORE downhill from there, as I begin to slack even more, and fail to study much properly. However, I must say that I managed to get some of my Chinese done. Some.

A day of isolation in my very own home with no outsiders to talk to gave me some sort of depression, and yet, with depression comes enlightenment. So today I have learnt more truths about life. The main takeaway I got is that I should never cook again, until next time that is. Hmm. In the words of some famous guy: "The reason why they're called french fries is cos the french made it." (You DO realise thats a bad thing right? Go ask clarence)

Drunk boxing, Drunk sword, Drunk stick.

Hmmm... Went to watch some shaolin stuff today. The only thing which looked good were the qigong stunts. The choreography was quite bad. But yeh, there were the high points and the low points. And there was the guy with the iron abs. (I dont think I can withstand 10 people ramming me with a log.) Anyhow. I forgot to mention that the commentator had a knack for pronouncing everything way wrong. Take for example. Iron belly as Eyeron Behlei... Anyhow, if you shut off her voice, it sort of helped. Except that you wouldnt know what was happening.
Heh. Anyway, what is the definition of drunk? I mean, we should know, considering that everyone has drunk before. How could you consume water without drunking it? Anyway. A stereotypical drunk is someone who wobbles along and has a lack of hand-eye coordination, or beerbottle-mouth coordination, as can be seen in how more beer appears to be flowing onto the guy's shirt rather than into his mouth. Anyway, if that was true, how could drunken fighting happen. No, not bar brawls or tavern tussels, but how does drunken fighting happen, especially if you cant tell a guy's eyes from his nuts. Hmm. So what do pandas have to do with ale? Hm. The only explaination I can think of is pandas look like they have permanent hangovers. Its either that or people with hangovers have permanent pandas. That cant be right. Today isnt a very illogical day for me to blog, thus rendering this post extremely unillogical. Ahh well. Finally, ending with my quote from some famous guy: "Under the belt is not unethical when you cant locate it."

Fag Raising

So. The first flag raising I have ever done had to happen on the day where the air con died. Post death actually, rigor mortis has set into it, where you can no longer adjust the temperature, and the lessons seem to draw nearer. Ill never understand why we have increasing loads of work even as the exam draws near.. Anyway. On to flag raising.

So you thought flag raising was easy. Well, actually it is. But if you were close enough to see Dr Ong's shaving mishap (well, not really), you should feel somewhat disturbed. With Bongard standing there with a grim grin, and my shirt boardering on the untuck, and socks which seemingly seem to descend to the depths of my shoes, demerit points just seemed a few footsteps away. But thats not the main problem. The problem is how a betting syndicate somehow pops up in your class, and the odds against you are what, 8 to 4.Heh. Somethink like that anyway. So now, feeling like a horse which ate too much horse radish, I twitched my leg repeatedly (you would too if you stood for 15 minutes with one leg on the incline and the other on the decline. uh. Syncline. Uh. Ya.) , and by harnassing the power of the garden gnomes in the school garden, the flag slowly creeped up the flag pole with the help of your friendly garden gnomelings. The movement up was inconsistent, probably due to my twitching leg and the heat of the area. Lucky for me, mosquitoes were as attracted to me as they would be to cream cheese. (I dont think mosquitoes like cream cheese. Do they? If they did I could arrange some sort of cheese event, considering that we're all cheesy people.) So I wasnt that bad off. Thank God for breeze and short assemblys. However, I managed to pass the time staring at the pink flowered bush. Not so much the bush, but the pink flowers. Heh. I bet they were put there for this exact purpose. Except they interchange the colours according to the flag raiser. Heh. It's sad how Dr Ong never thanked Sjab, but there was no obvious need, considering that we all saw how leet it was. I mean, my flag stayed up throughout school. Now thats an achievement.
In the words of some famous guy: "A zipper is like a flag. When it's at half mast, people start noticing something wrong."

Watering Holes and the like.

Well. So just a few days ago, the herd set off for my now favourite watering hole, the Esplande(sp). Well. One would wonder what drinks one could find in something so tasty as a durian. But thats because youve never been IN the Esplanade. And when I mean IN, i dont mean in. I mean, IN. So yes. What is IN you ask? How much further into the haert of a building can you get apart from the toilets? The heart of a building is a toilet. And this is where our herd headed to. Of course, the toilet is good you say, but what has that got to do with watering holes? Surely the great herd wouldnt resort to drinking from The Bowl like common dogs? Of course not. We relied mainly on the gleaming new taps and sparkling basins of which were to overflow with bountiful water. Water so fresh, colgate would be ashamed. No where have I tasted water so good. And yes, I have tried many waters. Let me just state a few:

My House Tap:
Taste: 7/10
Im bored of the taste. Begins to taste slightly... Like the texture of Sodium Hydroxide. If you have ever felt it anyway.
Presentation: 5/10
Age does nothing to better this aready aged dispenser of H2O

The Water Coolers Near the OM Room:
Taste: 7/10
Surprisingly normal tasting despite the wild concoctions poured down the gullet of this metal mechanism.
Presentation: 10/10
If You was an art teacher.
Otherwise, 3/10.
Now That is one ugly cooler. Think the ugliest person you know, No. Not me. Then think worse. Hmm. Water just isnt appealing to drink when its tainted with the blood of a thousand paint cans. In fact, the blob of congealed lava - I mean slime - Does nothing to improve the situation.

The Water Next To The SAC Toilet:
Taste: 5/10
Think Toilet. Think School Toilet. Think Smell. Smell smell. Taste the water. Now what do you think?
Presentation: 4/10
At least the water cooler looks presentable, but who in the right state of mind would think a water cooler next to a dustbin, a toilet, and a dental bus looks good?

The Water Cooler At The CyberAC:
Taste: 3/10
Even with the telligent people in our homely CyberAC, the water here still tastes like crap. The chin chow and leaves dont really make it taste any better.
Presentation: 2/10
In a tight little corner, with a breeding grounds for a colony of viruses, worms, and horses - trojan ones at that - just a few meters away, this is one hotspot for all things evil. Or just bad for your computer anyway. The fact that the small space also might hide cockroaches and the like, this watercooler is not for the faint of heart.

The Water At The Esplanade:
Taste: 10/10
Water never tasted so good.
Presentation: 9/10
Almost perfect, except for that fact that three people standing in a line glugging down glugs of water right opposite the urinals isnt very hygienic, nor is it very hot. In fact, I think scenes like that should be best ommitted from the mind, and any passerby who walks into to toilet is bound to get a shock.Of course one could just pretend to be washing your face, but washing your face doesnt give that much satisfaction.

In the words of some famous guy: "If the water has more colour than lack of it, its probably not safe."

What you can learn from tom yum.

Heh. You dont know what you can learn from food until its on you. Hmmm.. lets say you buy an average 1.50 bowl of yom yam. relatively average. BUT. not so averagely, someone spills it completely all over your berms. You now got greasy trousers, and your wallet has been sapped of 79 cents - plus minus those bamboo like things and ginger like things -. Hmm. Well, i was either very tired, stupid, or patient at that time (I choose the latter of the latter.), and didnt really complain much. Verbally that is. Uh. yeah. Well, now with greasy pants which smell as if Tom had a nasty little accident, and Yum hardly being the taste of my food anymore, as well as two tuitions ahead, I could either postpone my tuition, go to tuition and sleep, pon tuition, or just commit suicide. Well, im sure you would be happy if i did commit suicide, but i thought against it. Not very healthy commiting suicide is. Creates a stain on the floor too. Especially if you chose too high a building. Hm. So i guess i went for tuition, considering how ethical i am. Met some peeps, talked some stuff, and generally forgot about the greasy pants. Not. Well, it is true that dry and smelly pants beat greasy smelly and colourful pants hands down, but having a general fear of touching under your belt can cause much discomfort. Hm... at least tom yum isnt irrtitating to the skin, or i would be looking slightly queer at tuition. Yes. Now with 1 hour left to my next tuition, and half of my tuition work left, I think i should get to the point. What IS the lesson you can learn from tom yum? Well. If you think eating with your pants is hard, try wearing pants with your mouth. Didnt make sense? Wasnt supposed to. But seriously. Tom yum does wonders for shaping ones attitude to life. Somewhat. Well. Considering that Ive just devote 15 minutes of my life, and about 300 words worth of nonsense about your average Thai dish, Ill conclude with some famous guy's words: "Food generally tastes better if its in your mouth." Chows.

Chieksns Flu

We all know Singapore was once affected by something much worse than the common flu. An uncommon flu by the name of the bird flu, or more affectionately known as chicken flu, or even more affectionately - as affectionate as i am to my doorknob - known as chieksns flu. It went from unnoticed to uncommon to understood to unnerving to underground. Yup. Of no relation whatsoever, the government has "secretly" dumped thousands and thousands of eggs underground. They claim that the eggs were spoilt, rotten, not eatable. But we all know how sneaky the government is, and that it was all a ploy. A ploy to reduce the cholesterol level in Singapore. What sneaky bastards.
Think casino. Think Singapore. Think jackpot. Think jackass. See the relationship? actually. I dont. But yes, we all disagree that a casino is a good idea. Most believe so because of the social harm it would bring to Singapore, but I think most people I know think so cos they're underaged. You cant escape the truth can you? xD
Well. This post has been heading to the town in the far east by the name of nowhere. "Get the post started!" You say. Well, It already has. And everthing that has a beginning, has an end. Everything that has an end, has an ass. Everything that has an ass, probably is one. xD In the words of some famous guy: "You say it best, when you say nothing at all." I say, You think best when you're thinking of nothing at all. Cheers to a whole new realm of mindless-banter. Just when you thought you had enough...